Internet Humor 1:
Diary of a Dog

EXCERPTS FROM THE DIARY OF A DOG:
7 am Oh Boy, Dog Food! My Favorite
9:30 am Oh Boy, A Car Ride! My Favorite
10:30 am Oh Boy, A Walk! My Favorite
12:30 am Oh Boy, Dog Food! My Favorite
1 pm Oh Boy, The Yard! My Favorite
4 pm Oh Boy, The Kids! My Favorite
5 pm Oh Boy, Dog Food! My Favorite
7 pm Oh Boy, Playing Ball! My Favorite

EXCERPTS FROM THE DIARY OF A CAT:
Day 183 of my Captivity My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. Jerks. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors, by weaving around their feet while they are walking, almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs next time. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these Vile Creatures, I again induce myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Note to Self: I think I try pooping under their bed, too. Wonder how long it’ll take them to find it?

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try and strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Shoot! Not working according to plan.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a bloody half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, appears to have become an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is preserved. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.